Have you ever walked away from a conversation at work thinking, “I was very clear, so how did we end up here?” Or perhaps you have sat through a meeting decoding vague hints, wondering why no one would just say what they actually meant. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. At Priori Orators, we see this play out daily across teams, boardrooms, and training rooms.
The truth is simple but often overlooked. We do not all speak the same communication language at work. Even when we are using the same words, our styles, how we express needs, give feedback, handle tension, or ask for support, can be wildly different. And when those styles clash, frustration follows.
Why Good Communication Is Not One Size Fits All
Most workplace conflicts are not caused by incompetence or bad intentions. They are caused by mismatched communication styles. One person believes they have been obvious, while the other did not hear a clear request. One person thinks they are being polite and considerate, while another experiences the same approach as evasive or confusing.
Organizational psychologists have long studied these patterns and identified four broad communication styles commonly seen in professional environments.
Passive communication involves dropping hints and hoping others will pick them up. Needs are implied rather than stated, conflict is avoided at all costs, and resentment often builds quietly in the background.
Aggressive communication is forceful and often overwhelming. Messages are delivered with little regard for how they land. Results may be achieved, but usually at the cost of trust, psychological safety, and team morale.
Passive aggressive communication hides real needs behind sarcasm, silence, or indirect resistance. Nothing is said outright, yet tension fills the room.
Assertive communication sits at the sweet spot. It is clear, direct, and respectful. Needs are stated without apology, boundaries are maintained without hostility, and collaboration becomes possible.
Most professionals admire assertive communication. Yet under pressure, many default to something else, often without realising it.
How Your Communication Style Was Formed Without Your Permission
Here is the part that surprises many professionals. You did not consciously choose your communication style. It was shaped for you.
Childhood experiences, cultural norms, family dynamics, and early professional encounters all played a role. If speaking up once led to punishment or ridicule, you may have learned to stay quiet. If you were rewarded for being forceful or “strong,” you may have learned to push harder whenever resistance appears. Over time, these strategies become automatic.
The challenge is that what protected or served you in the past may now be working against you. The passive communicator gets overlooked for leadership opportunities. The aggressive communicator struggles with team buy in. The indirect communicator wonders why their intentions are constantly misunderstood.
The Real Breakthrough: Awareness, Choice, and Adaptability
Effective workplace communication does not start with scripts or buzzwords. It starts with self awareness. When you understand your default style, you regain choice. You begin to notice when stress pulls you into silence or when pressure makes you overly blunt.
At Priori Orators, we emphasise three core shifts.
First is clarity over assumptions. Say what you need kindly, directly, and without excessive explanation. Clarity is not rudeness. It is a gift to the listener.
Second is respect under pressure. Assertive communication is most tested when emotions are high. The ability to stay calm, grounded, and respectful in difficult moments sets strong professionals apart.
Third is adaptability across styles. Not everyone communicates like you, and they do not need to. Learning to recognise and adapt to different styles turns potential friction into productive collaboration. You stop taking things personally and start communicating strategically.
Creating Your Communication Style
Creating your own communication style does not mean changing who you are. It means refining how you show up. It is the confidence to speak clearly, the emotional intelligence to listen deeply, and the flexibility to adjust your approach depending on who is in front of you.
When this happens, conversations become easier. Meetings become more efficient. Feedback becomes constructive rather than defensive. And most importantly, work relationships become less draining and more purposeful.
Because at work, and in life, being understood is not about talking more. It is about communicating better.
At Priori Orators, we believe communication is not just a skill. It is a leadership tool. And like all powerful tools, it works best when used with intention.
